oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize