so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Less talking, more tequila
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
