Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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