she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
