you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
