im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
