Yo dont text me then not text me
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
