She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
