Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
