I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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