You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
