I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
