i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
