is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
COCAINE IS GR8
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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