I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
