Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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