Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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