does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
