i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
