she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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