I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Randomize
