you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
