im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
