Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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