plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
