Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
