A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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