Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I don't deserve a penis
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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