11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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