Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize