Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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