Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
