my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
