Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
