she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Reggie can tackle my bush.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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