walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
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