I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Semen is not good for contacts.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
