I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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