Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
