is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
