Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
