I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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