well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
