You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
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