she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
