Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
