Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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