Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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