Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
