the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
you win again, gameday.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
