I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
