my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
