I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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