you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
