I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
