I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
