my sisters under your porch take her home
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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