Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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