he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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