shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
