So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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