i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
