Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Randomize
