well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He felt like a one man threesome
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
