He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
