she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
