i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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