I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
