It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
