you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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